You know you have to do something when you don’t like the pictures anyone takes of you, even though everyone else says they’re great.
(“Wings” sculpture: bryantedrick.com)
I realize I’m been swimming around in a fog, a haze created by my addiction to these food items. It’s frightening considering giving these things up for the rest of my life. But the truth is, I am allergic to them. I’ve just not been looking at it.
Someone once said, “The closer I get to reality, the better I do.” Funny, coming from a romance writer, who specializes in fantasy. Driving down the road with a book on CD, or my favorite music so loud I can’t hear a darn thing except the thumping of my heart is one version of reality I can live with. It’s actually harmful to me to just turn on the radio and take whatever they want to give me. I like having the choice. I’m good with creating my own reality for a story, a mood, setting a stage at a party or entertaining.
But I’ve been thinking about reality in other terms lately. Like the reality of my strengths and weaknesses as a writer. The reality of looking at my words and being able to say: this stays, this goes, like pruning in the garden, dead-heading. I will never be able to trust my own instincts until I see the reality of how I write.
After four days now, I can see how these little vices have run my life. I think about the finality of not having those things. And I think about perhaps leaving this earth with too much unsaid, too many books not published, readers to thrill. The giving up of flour and sugar is nothing compared to checking out before my time.
I know that if I fertilize and prune, I’ll have more flowers and fruit. If I cut and polish my words, I’ll be a better writer. If I eat more healthy and give up some sacred cows, I’ll live longer.
What about you? Have you struggled with things you have to give up to achieve a goal, or improve the quality of your life? What did you do to help you overcome the struggle?