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SUNDAYS WITH SHARON: Ten Reasons Why Maybe This Isn’t Your Best Writing Year

I love how David Letterman always has his Top Ten List Of Things. I’ve had a lot of fun posting my own version of these over the years. So this is rather tongue in cheek, or foot in mouth, depending on how you view my crazy brain. Remember, as he says, this is just for fun.

Sharon Hamilton’s Top Ten Reasons Why This Might Not Be Your Best Writing Year:

10.     Your friends do an intervention. They take all your romance books away, dispose of your computer and take you to a bar and try to hook you up with a plumber who wears Aloha shirts.

9.      When you turn on your computer, water pours out of the screen, which doesn’t bother you until the fish start swimming over your keyboard.

8.     You read your manuscript to your dog and ask him if he understands what you’ve just written, and he answers, “Hell no.”

7.     Your $16.35 Amazon royalty check bounces and the bank repossesses your Acer 386 computer.

6.     Your editor emails you to say that if she has to read one more page of your drivel she’ll refund all your money and put a contract out on you.

5.    You discover your daughter got a six-figure advance on a New Adult horror novel based on her childhood.

4.    You sit next to a guy on the airplane and open your hot bacon dressing packet for your spinach salad and it squirts all over his lap. (This is a true story)

3.    Your computer drains bacon oil for two weeks afterwards. (Also true)

2.    It’s hard to write sex scenes when your computer smells like a salad. (You got it. True again.)

1.     Your publisher wants to change the name of your epic hero’s journey novel you’ve edited 100 times and spent five years of your life writing to:  Loser.

 

Now, don’t you feel better about how your year has started already?

This Post Has 22 Comments
  1. Julie, oh he did. He was not a happy camper. Walked off the plane with his computer covering it. But you know, those little packets can be tricky and I was balancing my own keyboard, which of course was a mistake as well.

  2. LOL Livia. Not to worry. I do make people nervous now and then, but generally I pull it off in the last quarter, which is more than I can say for my 49ers.

  3. LOL–love it, Sharon. The bacon grease dressing ones were funny as hell (probably because they were true!), but #6 made me share it with my editorial team. I don't think they've gotten there yet, but it could happen if my books get any longer!

    Now, let's go have our BEST writing year ever!

    Kally

  4. You got it, Kally. We got roads to travel and readers to search for and rescue! LOL. I doubt your team would ever put out a contract on you, sweetie!!

  5. My responses:
    10 Only if he can roast one of those Hawaiian pigs in the ground.
    9 Hope the heroine can back float.
    8 Dog answers "Feed it to the cat."
    7 What check?
    6 Ooh, done that.
    5 Then I move in with her.
    4 Everything is better with bacon.
    3 Where's that dog when you need him?
    2 Uh oh. Need some embellishments on that "salad"?
    1 Sigh. 101.

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